Profile Shenanigans
by Shiva491
Summary: Because it was getting too long, and there is power in brevity.


**EDIT: **Apparently, I accidentally had someone else's Q & A up here! I found the right file on my computer, and here are mine (so, more funny and less focus on shipping.).

* * *

><p><strong>List ten hetalia characters! <strong>

**1.) **America

**2.) **Poland

**3.) **England

**4.) **Lithuania

**5.) **Canada

**6.) **Prussia

**7.) **Belarus

**8.) **Japan

**9.) **Switzerland

**10.) **Russia

**Then answer the following questions~**

**What would you do if Number 1 woke you up in the middle of the night?**

Okay, America wakes me up...

"...I need my sleep."

"Sorry! [immediately goes into why he woke me up]"

**Number 3 (England)waked into the bathroom while you were showering?**

I'd spray him with the shower hose XD and then plug my ears to avoid the inevitable foul language (wash your mouth occasionally, England!)

**Number 5 (Canada) cooked you dinner?**

I wonder how he'd fit in maple syrup...

**Number 6 (Prussia) was lying next to you on the beach, sleeping?**

Get the camera out. I'd make a fortune selling prints to fangirls.

...and then maybe I'd build a sand-castle over him or something.

**Number 7 (Belarus) suddenly confessed to be part of your family?**

O.O Given how she treats her other family members...

**Number 8 (Japan) got into the hospital somehow?**

He was standing next to the window when America came over.

**Number 9 (Switzerland) made fun of your friends?**

…does he have his gun?

**Number 10 (Russia) ignored you all the time?**

Lucky, lucky me.

**Two serial killers are hunting you down. What will one (America) do?**

He'd probably fail miserably at hunting them down until someone else stepped in and helped us find 'em and then we'd go there and there'd be an awesome fight scene and he'd kick ass in a truly heroic manner :) Go America!

**You're on vacation with 2 (Poland) and manage to break you leg. What does 2 do?**

"Like, I totally know a hospital that's close! Follow me!"

"...I broke my _leg_..."

**It's your birthday. What does 3 (England) give you?**

...one of those punch-things that he gave America in the July 4th strip. I sprayed him with the shower hose, remember?

**You're stuck in a house that's on fire. What does 4 (Lithuania) do?**

Frantically call for help. When that doesn't work, he might try to rescue me himself...but not if it takes him too far in.

**You're about to do something that'll make you feel extremely embarassed. What will 5 (Canada) do?**

Comfort me with tales of his past woes.

**You're about to marry Number 10 (Russia). What's 1's (America) reaction?**

First: "...You're kidding, right?"

Second: "Don't do it! He'll hurt you!"

Third: *sobbing* "whyyyyyyyy... you're one of my citizens, why are you marrying _Russia_?"

**You got dumped by someone. How will 7 (Belarus) cheer you up?**

Belarus: Physical pain can overwhelm emotional pain. Everyone knows this.

**You compete in a tourtament. How does 9 (Switzerland) support you?**

...you can borrow my gun. Don't tell anyone, I need to stay neutral.

**You can't stop laughing. What will 10 (Russia) do?**

I can fix everything with the magical stick!

**Number 1 (America) is all you've ever dreamed of. Why?**

He's awesome!

**You're dating 3 (England) and he/she introduces you to his/her parents. Would you get along?**

Naah. I have a hard time being polite. Heck, I'm only dating England to spite the US/UK shippers.

(It's not so much that I'm opposed to that particular ship [in fact, its one of the better grounded in canon] as it is that I think almost all shipping is a form of intense character derailment that should be treated as such, and that ship seems really common, so as sturgeon's law suggests, I've puked over enough of it to do something like this)

**Will 5 (Canada) and 6 (Prussia) ever kiss?**

Not...under normal conditions. But Prussia does like getting drunk...

Then again, I dunno. PruCan can be fun to read.

**Number 6 (Prussia) appears to be a player, breaking many hearts. What do you do?**

I wouldn't be surprised at all, given the sorta reactions fangirls give to him-way too easy. I'd tell all the fangirls that he was breaking the hearts of to stop their mindless obsesssion. This would do absolutely nothing to stop it. Having satisfied my conscience, I'd then step back and laugh my head off every time another fangirl realized the horrors of dating fictional characters.

**You had a haircut and 7 (Belarus) can't stop looking at you. What goes on in your mind?**

...can't believe I'm thinking this, but I hope Russia's back soon...

**Number 8 (Japan) thinks he/she'll never have a girl/boyfriend. What will you tell him/her?**

"This way to your nearest fangirl. Now, do try not to become another Prussia (inside my head: Maniacal laughter...meet the product of your anime)"

**Number 9 (Switzerland) is too shy to face you and confesses their love by sending an e-mail. Now what?**

Should have seen that coming given the above answers...but yeah, e-mail him back. We'll start an internet romance :)

**You spot 10 (Russia) kissing 1 (America). How do you react?**

0n0

a) America didn't see that coming

1: Go get the popcorn. I can't wait to see Russia get punched in the gut by a guy who can throw a bison.

2: Resist the urge to steal Russia's water faucet and beat the crud out of him with it.

b) Holy shit, America was willing

1: Faint on the spot

2: Start warning the rest of the world that it's doomed

**Would 2 (Poland) trust 5 (Canada)?**

"Who?"

**Number 4 (Lithuania) is bored and pokes 10 (Russia). What happens after that?**

...*whipcrack* things too horrible to be mentioned here.

Really, Lithuania must have been majorly drunk.

**5 (Canada) and 1 (America) are forced to go back to school together. What study will they pick?**

Robotics of some sort. America loves planes and robots, and I don't honestly think that Canada would get a word in edgewise. Even if it wasn't Canada's first choice, however, he'll enjoy it (somewhat) anyway.

**If 6 (Prussia) and 3 (England) cooked dinner what would they make?**

The house would be burned down before they finished. And then they'd serve people the soot.

**7 (Belarus) and 9 (Switzerland) apply for a job. What job?**

Shooting tutor? Someone should make a fic of something like this, it'd be pure crack.

**8 (Japan) gives 5 (Canada) a haircut. Is that ok?**

Japan: "If you don't mind it looking like anime."

Canada: "Well, maybe people will finally be able to tell America and I apart."

**9 (Switzerland) sketches what 6's (Prussia's) perfect girl/boyfriend should look like; will 6 be happy?**

No. Absolutely not. IT'S NOT AWESOME ENOUGH.

**10 (Russia) and 9 (Switzerland) are blushing while they talk. What's their conversation about?**

...Belarus? (Oh man, I really have no idea)

If someone writes a fic about this happening in a way that doesn't break character, I'll put the author on tvtropes fanfic recs (reccomended authors). This person must be unbelieveably genius.

**1 (America) accidentally kicked 10 (Russia)?**

Gear the space program up, the nuclear apocalypse is coming fast.

**2 (Poland) sent a message to his/her BF/GF but 7 (Belarus) got it. What would happen?**

a)indifference. Poland's poor GF will never get the message.

b)Belarus breaks Poland's fingers to dissuade him.

[Whoops, I actually misdid that one. It was originally supposed to be** 9 (Switzerland),** in which case...

.*snipe* "I'm staying neutral, idiot." ]

**5 (Canada) and 6 (Prussia) did a workout together?**

Poor Canada. There are so many ways this could go wrong. Actually, this could make a pretty good one-shot.

**6 (Prussia) noticed he/she wasn't invited to your birthday?**

He'd show up anyway. Drunk.

**7 (Belarus) won the lottery?**

"Hey, Russsssia...!"

**8 (Japan) had quite a big secret?**

I would tell a fangirl. Then, when her merciless stalking gives her the truth, she will blab it all over the internet where I can find out. Poor Japan.

**9 (Switzerland) became a singer? **

"MAN UP OR I'LL BEAT YOU WITH MY PEACE PRIZE"

...My ears!

**10 (Russia) got a daughter?**

Poor, poor girl...

**What would 1 (America) think of 3 (England)?**

Help! The shippers are gagging me! (see that one about England's parents)

[whoops, another mistake. It was supposed to be **2 (Poland)** instead of England, in which case...

"That weird valley kid that seems sorta nice?"

**How would 3 (England) greet 4 (Lithuania)?**

In a normal manner.

**What would 4 (Lithuania) envy about 5 (Canada) ?**

Being invisible to all the psycho European countries, and in particular, living next to America instead of Russia...

**What dream would 5 (Canada) have about 6 (Prussia)?**

A rather random one. (There were donuts and syrup and zebras and Prussia! Not necessarily in that order.)

**What do 6 (Prussia) and 7 (Belarus) have in common?**

A violent approach to difficulties.

**What would make 7 (Belarus) be angry at 8 (Japan)?**

The latter having a slightly less casual than normal conversation with Russia? (_How_? The crack hurts...)

**What would 9 (Switzerland) never dare tell 10 (Russia) ?**

Oh, there's so many possibilities...

MAN UP OR I'LL BEAT YOU WITH MY PEACE PRIZE

.*gunshot says all*

I won't ever become one with you, sick freak. Still neutral.

**What would make 10 (Russia) scared of 1 (America)?**

America decides that Russia getting married to Belarus would be good for him, and helps the girl break his door down? (That would make a funny fic, and I can see it happening too .\u/.)

**Number 9 (Switzerland) gives you a bagel. Do you eat it?**

...Yes, but carefully. And then I'd compliment it afterwords, just in case he or Liechtenstein was the one who made it. Never offend a guy with a gun.

**1 (America) offers you a CD. Considering his tastes, do you listen to it?**

Sure! But I turn the volume down on my device a bit first.

**2 (Poland) suddenly goes emo. How does 8 (Japan) feel about this?**

Confused.

**10 (Russia) wants money and decides to get a job at Chuck E' Cheeses. How long does he stay?**

All of three seconds.

**3 (England) told 6 (Prussia) she started her period. His reaction?**

"#$% sh_t, you really are a girl? I mean, wiith your bitching and all, we've always _suspected_, bu-" **POW**.

Really, Prussia, England _just_ told you s/he was on his period...

**4 (Lithuania) slaps 9 (Switzerland) with a fish for going out with 7 (Belarus). Why?**

He's jealous and probably not thinking straight.

**5 (Canada) Comes up to 1 (America) wearing a big pink dress. What's 1's reaction?**

"...Yeah, that'll get you noticed, alright."

OR-

"NO WAY are you going out like that! People will think you're ME!"

**6 (Prussia) cusses 2 (Poland) out in German. 3 (England) is secretly watching from behind a bush. What does he do?**

Continue spying, trying to figure out just what these two are doing.

**7 (Belarus) got high.**

"Everybody run for cover! Crazy knife nut coming through!"

**9 (Switzerland) can't stand 1 (America), so how does he get his revenge when he spills Soda all over him?**

He lectures him MERCILESSLY. And back it up with a gun if he can get away with it without undermining his neutrality.

**10 (Russia) starts working at a bar. What would 2 (Poland) do?**

Mock him behind his back. And never, ever visit that bar. He didn't particularly LIKE being partitioned, thank you very much.

**1 (America) comes in and tells you he's pregnant from 2 (Poland). How do you react?**

"...pffft hahaha Poland topped America!"

(on second thought, since that one might get me hurt:)

"I didn't know nations could get pregnant."

"Neither did we!"

Another one popped into my head:

"Have you told England this yet? You might not want to."

**1 (America) breaks up with 6 (Prussia). Why did he break up with him?**

England sabotaged the relationship. He can be quite devious when he wants to be, if history is any indication.

...Darn, now I REALLY want to see the crack pairing here.

**2 (Poland) is in love with 4 (Lithuania), he confesses. How does 4 (Lithuania) respond?**

I don't think I can write this one...

**3 (England) is a drug addict. What do you do?**

_I_ don't do anything-I feel bad for him, but I don't want to suffer the British curse of food and bad teeth. Instead, I point America in his general direction and let the hero do his work. :D

**4 (Lithuania) kissed 8 (Japan), what's 8's reaction?**

He blushes and then orders Lithuania to 'take responsibility.'

**6 (Prussia) kisses 7 (Belarus)'s boyfriend. What does 7 do?**

Woah, woah woah. Does that mean Prussia just kissed _Russia? _...If so, he's seriously screwed.

**7 (Belarus) is missing. Where do you go to look for her?**

Russia's house...

**8 (Japan) needs a tutor. On what subject does he need tutoring?**

No idea-I see him as a pretty well-educated nation. Some counseling on speaking up?

**9 (Switzerland) wants to be a cheerleader. What do you say?**

"What the fuck?" Then, "...did you lose a bet or something?"

**10 (Russia) hates 4 (Lithuania). Why?**

He rejected him one too many times... (RUN, Lithuania, RUUUN!)

**How do you feel right now?**

Laughing really hard because of all the answers that I wrote to these questions...


End file.
